The boring life of Jerod Poore, Crazymeds' Chief Citizen Medical Expert.

Tyler Durden: TV Commercial Consultant

I sent the link of my HTC & clam commercial mashups to Adnoxious and a couple other ad-related blogs on the Panoply of Stupidity etc.

Adnoxious did something better than noting their interchangeability, they found the pedigree of the $cientology ad: the "You're not your fucking khakis" scene from Fight Club.

Words of Wisdom

Photonuclear Excitation by the Large Hardon Collider

A diseased sun burns through the wounded sky...

The dealer's cold, black, insectoid eyes kept shifting to and from Nielsen and Ninomiya, the only two players at her table. Sitting in the somewhat functional remains of what was once Singapore's finest casino they had doubledowned on a pair of diamond sevens. They were dealt a pair of suicide kings. Faye, their dealer, had 18. Nielsen and Ninomiya were all in with all of their available time.

Two sixes of spades.

"23," Faye said, her voice as cold and flat as her eyes, "you lose."

"No," said Nielsen, "we all win."

"What are the odds?" asked Ninomiya, shrugging as he attempted to fade from his chair.

Because of the strong fields associated with ultra-relativistic heavy-ions, the probabilities for several electromagnetic processes are very large at small impact parameters, and calculated, un-unitarized first-order probabilities may even exceed 1. This is for example the case for two-photon production of e+e− pairs.
The dominating process is photonuclear excitation of the target into a Giant Dipole Resonance followed by emission of one or more neutrons. The probability for mutual Coulomb dissociation reaches about 35% in a grazing Au+Au collision at the Large Hardon Collider.
 "As anyone who has read the literature can attest," Dr. Benway said, "not all particles require collision as a means to reach a state of excitation.  Many electron-hole interactions are often played out in the form of bondage and confinement scenarios, with the hole invariably the bottom.  Typically the interaction lasts only three pulse-pumps.  Photoexcitation is required for multiple excitations, but the second hardon won't be as large nor will it last any longer.  Two is usually the limit."

Three a.m. and two graduate students at CERN were playing cards.

"Blackjack is a stupid game.  Who in hell would want to play that?  If you can count cards it's easy, if you can't you're a sucker.  Plus someone has to be the house, so there's no point in playing if not in a casino."

"You're right.  I don't know what I was thinking."

"When the largest quantum orgy of all time happened, what did electrons do when they had a chance to interact dangerously with positrons?  They were as conservative and repressed as Lutherans!"
The large mass of the "W" Intermediate Vector Boson (IVB) is also interpreted as a re-creation of the dense spacetime metric of the primordial electroweak force unification era during the initial moments of the "Big Bang".

Looking at a simple example, we diagram the decay of a muon (u) to an electron (e-) (antiparticles are underlined and the symbol (v) represents a neutrino):
W-[u- (e+ x e-)] ---> vu + ve + e-
(Where the square brackets indicate the interior of (or the mediation of) the "W" IVB)

We see how natural a reaction this is when diagrammed via the catalytic action of the W- and a virtual electron-positron pair. The negative muon (u-) and positron (e+) simply cancel each other's opposite electric charges, which frees both their neutrinos (vu and ve), and forces the electron (e-) to become " real", as it no longer has an antiparticle annihilation partner. All the W has done is catalyze the reaction by bringing the muon (u-) and the virtual particle-antiparticle pair (e+ x e-) into intimate contact, where the charge cancellations and energy transfers can take place safely. Hence the "kissing box" of the IVBs is really a "conservation containment", which ensures that charge and energy transfers take place in a secure environment - a perfectly natural role in the well regulated and orderly conservation domain of spacetime.
 "One can only hope," Dr. Benway drawled, "that the Large Hardon Collider is used to excite particles beyond the kissing box and get them outside of what they would normally consider a secure environment."

This quasi-Burroughsian pastiche and interictal interlude is brought to you by:

Extra Medication For All!!

Cult of HTC Hero Commercials

As I wrote a couple of posts down, there's a remarkable similarity between the commercials for HTC's Hero and the latest ads from Scientology.  To give you all a better idea as to what I mean, I present a mashup of their commercials:

Unclear on the Concept

I got a letter informing me my truck has been included in the expanding set of vehicles covered by a recall.  It's in the category of "No reported problem of spontaneous automotive combustion, but it has the same faulty part that probably caused the 200 instances of minivans blowing up for no good reason."  I was warned not to park the truck anywhere near a building as the fire could start when the vehicle isn't running.

This, of course, tempted me to park it in the garage under my bedroom instead of the carport where I usually do.

The faulty part has to do with cruise control. I never could wrap my head around the concept of why something with manual transmission has cruise control in the first place, let alone how that combination works.

So I go to Ford's website to find the nearest dealer, who is a lot closer than Missoula and has  online appointment scheduling.  The VIN is enough to tell them I need the recall service.  Everything is working like it's supposed to.

Except after I click on submit I get an error message and am told to contact the service department.  You know, the people with whom I was attempting to make an appointment.

I was reminded of this Fail Blog entry.

Fortunately the only fail regarded something I wouldn't have missed, because I received a confirmation e-mail.

TV Show Math

I like cheesy, science fictiony TV shows.  They are often dismissed as formulaic.  True enough, as actual formulae are used.  Some examples:

Stargate Universe = (Stargate SG1 * (2000s era Battlestar Galactica - 1970s era Battlestar Galactica)) - Stargate Atlantis + The Starlost

Eureka = ((Original The Prisoner - 1960s Patrick McGoohan-era Secret Agent Man {a.k.a. Danger Man}) * Dexter's Laboratory) - Bill Nye the Science Guy

Sanctuary = ((Torchwood - Dr. Who) * Angel) + The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Buffy

Fringe = (X-Files - Glenn Beck)  * (All those Mirror Universe episodes from Deep Spare Nine / the original Star Trek's "Mirror, Mirror" episode) + (Eureka / Mythbusters) - Twin Peaks

Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles = Terminator 2 * Firefly

Flash Forward = (Lost - Fantasy Island) * Quantum Leap

While on the subject of TV, am I the only person to have noticed the remarkable similarity between $cientolgy's "No Life" ads and the "You are different" ads for the HTC Hero?  It sounds like the same narrator, the ads are thematically similar, if not identical, and if the former were more colorful or the latter shot in muted tones they'd be practically indistinguishable.  Other than everyone using the newest tech toy in the HTC ad.

The HTC ads were done by DEUTCH LA.  I can't find who did the clams' ads.  Several people have found Boston's Co$ displayed as a favorite footprint about 3:20 into the original demo video.

HTC's Hero runs Google's Android software.  The last thing Google needs is to be associated with $cientology.  It's one thing when their ads were displaying all over Crazy Meds, because they have a right to advertise their sham 'religion' and Google shouldn't discriminate against them.  And if they want to pay me out of their antipsychiatry budget, I'm more than happy to take their money.  Getting any closer to the clams just makes you go "eeewwww" and not want to buy the phone.

As if I have any standing to write on that subject.  I rarely use my cell phone, and the most complicated thing I do with it is take a picture that I'll send to one person.  The only thing that keeps me from getting anything cheaper than what I have now is living just within range of Alltel's service.  And only Alltel's.

Any day now I'll start living in the 21st century.