skip to main |
skip to sidebar
All I wanted to do was mow the fucking yard. Was that really too much to ask? Two of the three local gas stations had signs up stating they carried ethanol-free premium. Apparently not any longer. Fine, I'll fill the gas can with ethanol-tainted premium and get some of the good stuff from Plains when I get bait for the wasp traps. Then the fucking gas pump has an issue with my credit card. That's all I needed. I've been dealing with enough depression as it was, that one roadblock sent me spiraling down into alt.depressed.as.fuck territory. I couldn't deal with trying another pump, or driving a hundred feet to the other gas station. I drove home and spent the rest of the day watching Farscape.
I feel worse today.
I fed the cats. Maybe I'll eat something. It's a good thing I did a little more retail therapy a few weeks back so I have plenty of DVDs. And lots of atlases and other reference books to browse.
A cross-quarter day is approaching. Unless something miraculously cheers me up today or tomorrow, I'm looking at a minimum of six more weeks of severe depression. Perfect timing, as it's worse during daylight hours. I should just give up on the delusion that I'll start exercising, or even do yoga again and sleep as long as possible in the morning so I can be awake as long as I can at night. If I can not beat myself up on yet another failure I can have more time each day when I'm somewhat less depressed.
I'm tired of all the pills. I'm tired of the permanent gluten-free, corn-free, legume-free, alcohol-free Lent. Right now I'm even tired of the isolation. I want a Mission burrito, I want some beer, I want to do something fun, I want my life to have meaning again, and I want someone to share it with.
The way things are now, I feel guilty about subjecting the cats to my misery.
Medicare terminated me, so I guess there are death panels after all. I knew my coverage was going to end eventually, as I'm not getting SSDI any more. At least I shouldn't be getting SSDI, but they can't seem to make up their minds about that, as I still get money from them every now and then. I've sent them another shitload of documentation to try to straighten it all out, along with an offer to write them a check. Our tax dollars at work. Did Medicare bother to inform me that my coverage was going to end in March? Nope.
As for the drug coverage, AARP MedicareRx/United Health Care did tell me. Unfortunately they did so the same way they give my monthly statement, any minor update to the plan, change to their website, or similar "news" - a long e-mail with the subject "Jerod, a plan document is ready for you online" and absolutely no information in the e-mail itself about what that plan document is about. I'd have to log in, navigate the site, and read a .pdf document. They're as bad as the credit card companies with "important account information" letters containing balance transfer checks that I keep telling them not to send me.
It gets better. What to they do a week after they terminate my account? They still deduct my monthly premium. Now I have to decide if the $42 is worth dealing with their customer "service" department over the phone. It's going to be bad enough trying to find some insurance racket to pay protection money to in order to get coverage for the remainder of this year. I've been able to find all of two companies available in Montana who sell to individuals, and not a single plan that covers any of the drugs I take. So I'll be paying full retail for my meds for the rest of this year no matter what.
The best part? After taxes and everything else I'd have more money on disability than I do with Crazy Meds. Before you suggest just going ad-free, non-profit, etc. I looked into that in 2004. Aside from official non-profit status being a huge pain in the ass to do, with all the traffic Crazy Meds now gets, I can't afford to pay for a domain host to handle that load without ads or lots of grant money.
The reason I couldn't keep up on all the crap AARP MedicareRx/United Health Care was sending me is due to the amount of e-mail I get. Excluding all the stuff relating to Crazy Meds I still get more e-mail than I want no matter how many times I click on "Don't send me a fucking thing not explicitly related to a specific transaction that requires an e-mail." No wonder people are getting only five hours of sleep a night and don't get any work done, how the hell are they able to keep up with all the e-mail?
Ted Kaczynski was right. Technology makes everything worse. Says the guy who makes his living off of a website. Events like this rekindle the dream I've had for close to 40 years: to live off the grid.
I think it was Kevin Kelly who wrote an essay on the impossibility of self-sufficiency/reliance titled something along the lines of "Where Did That Hammer Come From?" An essay the Internet desperately needs. Complete self-sufficiency/reliance is next to impossible, unless you want to live at the technological level of 40,000 years ago. It's that time of year in the northern hemisphere when each day has significantly more sunlight, especially in latitudes above 40°. The bipolar objectivists should be coming out of the woodwork with their plans for John Galt's utopia, often planned for in Alaska. But who will make their fancy espresso drinks? Who will grow their food? Fix their 15-year-old cars? Where will they find temp work? It's easy for me to make fun of them, as I live in a house that's falling apart on two acres of land being reclaimed by local plants and taken over by opportunistic invaders. As much as I want to get further away from everyone and everything, I can't. In fact I need to get closer to civilization, as driving and caring for myself in general are becoming more difficult.
Maybe I'll get lucky. The icecaps could suddenly melt and civilization could come to me.
Should the Crazy Meds forum include more support group-like qualities?
Should we discuss 3rd parties? Mentally interesting children? To what,
if any, extent should Axis II disorders be involved?
In other words, do we go back to what the place was like in 2004, more or less, but with better software?
You don't need to be a forum member to read, but you do if you want to join the discussion:
The Crazy Meds forum and blogs are back on the air after our planned software update. Nothing seems broken so far.
Posts
