The boring life of Jerod Poore, Crazymeds' Chief Citizen Medical Expert.

Mind's Eye Blind

This has been bugging the shit out of me since I heard it a few of nights ago:
I've always taken "mind's eye" and "to visualize something" as metaphors.   As in, "The only time you see anything when your eyes are closed is when you're dreaming." Or if you have some kind of special gift that let's you do that.

Then I heard that story and learned 95% of the planet can conjure up an image of some sort if they want to.

This isn't a side effect of meds or complications from kindling due to seizures and mood swings.  I've never been able to visualize shit.  My entire life.  

While it explains my nearly-nonexistent visual memory, I feel really cheated. If most people can close their eyes and see their past or what's written in a book why the hell is television so popular?

I don't understand why this is bothering me so much, it just is.  It's not as if something has been taken away from me.

Full sensory dreaming doesn't make up for.  Especially now, with my memory being so fucked-up I'm having difficulty differentiating between real experiences and dreams.

If I could visualize things behind closed eyes I would probably spend every day in bed remembering a life less fucked-up than the one I have now.  I can't tell if that would be a better way to deal with things or not, because by not trying it's impossible to fail.  I don't know how much more failure I can deal with.