The boring life of Jerod Poore, Crazymeds' Chief Citizen Medical Expert.

Stats Whore

Statistics calm me down.  Comfort me.  Stave off depression.  Con me into thinking I'm accomplishing something when I'm just dicking around.  
I'm such a fucking stereotype.

Thanks to all the different tools available I can analyze Crazy Meds' statistics in so many different ways that I wouldn't have to look at the same ones twice in a couple of days.

Today I looked at search terms that resulted in the highest eCPM.  If you speak Googlese you understand what I mean.  If you don't, eCPM is a hypothetical potential of how much money a page could make if a buttload of people showed up and clicked on the ads there.  It has as much bearing on reality as the applicants' incomes on sub-prime mortgage applications.
Here are some of the more interesting search terms used in the last 30 days that resulted in eCPMs between $2,000 and $450.  I'm not showing the eCPM numbers because that might violate something in the Adsense agreement.  In descending order of potential value, here are some of my favorite search terms that have led people to Crazy Meds, and my answers to any that are questions:
1. drugs that are named black boxed

2. how much remoron to takeremeron

3. intial dose wellbutrin sr broke in half

4. what is a doctor called who prescribes pi

5. how long for lamictal to show on blood test

6. cash price of nuvigil at schnucks pharmacy

7. sorrta remeber

8. why does my scalp twitch

9. can i take paxil with a factor 5 mutation

10. dexedrine minority psychosis

11. what if enzymes are taken near phych mess?

1. Black Box isn't a drug name, it's the name of a warning.  Drugs with black box warnings have side effects that are potentially life-threatening and everyone is sure it was due to the drug.  Unless a bunch of hysterical moms got together to pressure Congress to force the FDA to force the drug companies to add black box warnings to drugs that don't necessarily have those problems.

2. "Remoron."  Why have I never noticed that before?  It's brilliant.  In any event I think you might be taking a little too much Remeron.

3.  If your SR tablet broke in half, don't take it.

4.  She's usually called "Grandma."  Unless you're like me and are calmed down by some aspect of math, in which case the doctor is called "competent."  Or maybe "Grandma" as well, they aren't mutually exclusive.

5.  For all of its wacky pharmacokinetics, Lamictal is absorbed quickly and nearly completely.  It shows up in your blood plasma in 15 minutes.  How long it stays there is anybody's guess.

6.  I have no idea.  Why Crazy Meds is the first thing returned by Google for that phrase is beyond me.

7.  Whatever you're taking I hope it's working for you.

8.  I don't know.  Do you know where Mouse's pendent is?
That is not a question to type into teh googles if you're a hypochondriac.

9.  This is actually a very serious question that just looks weird as hell.  I honestly don't know what effect, if any, a factor V mutation has on any crazy med, or how any crazy med would mess with someone who has a factor V mutation.  I hope you find someone who has an answer for you.

10.  Minority psychosis isn't real.  The term isn't used in any of the literature, outside of dubious gray literature, or in the periphery when trying to succinctly describe extra-irrational racist behavior.  Racist scumfucks don't need Dexedrine, or anything else, to be racist, although abusing drugs would certainly make them even more irrational.  
As someone who is batshit crazy I find it really fucking insulting whenever racism is equated with an actual mental illness, as opposed to being generally irrational, or 'crazy.'

11.  It all depends on the enzymes and the meds.  As most enzyme supplements are a bunch of overpriced snake oil your biggest problem might be paying for your meds, so you're probably better off not taking the enzymes at all.

1 comment:

Jerod Poore said...

flora_mundi left the following comment that I managed to delete instead of publish. Because I suck. Since I didn't delete the e-mail I could at least copy the post:

looking at these results is one of my favourite parts of having a blog... For some reason, i get an inordinate number of hits from people searching for dissociative identity disorder [or more likely searching for information on it].

my favourite this week: "doctor prescribed macbid negative urine". i'm actually worried that googling it will put me on a watch list.