The boring life of Jerod Poore, Crazymeds' Chief Citizen Medical Expert.

What could possibly go wrong? Daikaiju will kill us all!

As has been pointed out by Jon Stewart et al., in all of those movies where the world is going to be blown up by terrorist asteroids or everything is going to freeze due to global warming if that mutated virus doesn't kill everyone except Charlton Heston and Will Smith, the President of the United States of America is black.

I grew up on a diet of daikaiju eiga. Gojira was first awakened/created by an atomic bomb being tested. Various meddlings deep below the floor of the northwest Pacific Ocean were responsible for his return or the appearance of of other giant monsters. Earthquakes and/or typhoons were often involved. So what's been happening lately?

North Korea launched a 'satellite' that crashed into the ocean. And they detonated an actual atomic bomb, instead of a fake one like the last time.

If that weren't bad enough, the Japanese government has funded an earthquake prediction program that involves drilling four miles into a trench in the Pacific Ocean. Work has been interrupted the past few days due to one hell of a storm.

What could possibly go wrong?

Atomic tests and nuclear-ready rockets launched into the NW Pacific while they're drilling holes into a bigass trench to predict earthquakes! Each of those events alone account for the first 15 minutes of half the Japanese giant monster movies I've seen, and I've seen a lot of them. Together it's like every metalhead on the planet got together on the Pope's birthday to sacrifice goats while playing Black Sabbath records backwards. In front of Jack Chick's house.

Seriously, what could possibly go wrong in either of those scenarios?

I'm glad I moved far away from the coast and now live half a mile above sea level, because those things aren't limited to attacking Japan any more. Gojira, Radon, Varan, even freaking Mosura and Gamera might show up just about anywhere. They've been known to get pissed off about climate change and crap like that as well.

Although either the kaiju or the humans shred the mountain forests in The War of the Gargantuas and Gamera vs. Gaos. I'm probably safe from the genetic engineering that spawned the former, but there are plenty of precocious brats around here already doing time or community service for burning the scenery as the annoying brat wanted to do in
Gamera vs. Gaos.

1 comment:

jook said...

Hah! I'm glad someone keeps up with current events as they scare the hell out of me. This ties in with your Black Sabbath inference. After their first release in 1970, they resorted to a more toned down approach concerning Lucifer. This was replaced by a combination plate stacked with drug references, paranoid delusions, depression and a switch toward the other side of the spiritual fence. This was probably 'fueled' by mass quantities of LSD25 (I see God!).

Enough of the Japanese monster movies. Godzilla vs. Megalon, my fave. First we have the mercury warning concerning fish consumption years ago. This is taking it up a notch. Reminds me of that Chevy Chase movie back in the 80s where he is following a tanker trailer filled with radioactive waste down the highway.

Too much world news, Black Sabbath albums, Godzilla movies and yes, Chevy Chase bring on paranoid feelings sometimes. I believe the constant quest for knowledge at jet speed is fueling much of this.

Oftentimes ignorance IS bliss.