The boring life of Jerod Poore, Crazymeds' Chief Citizen Medical Expert.

Retail Therapy

It's a fucking struggle to do anything.

I've been trying to buy groceries for over a week.  Even shopping online is too much effort.

Yet at the same time I feel as if buying a bunch of kitchen gadgets will solve all my problems.  I haven't thought like that for 13 years.

Once upon a time I could go garage saling, looking for obscure utensils.  Even if it was something I'd never use, a couple of cheap, culinary geegaws would frequently cheer me up.

Now that it's no longer a good idea for me to do any cooking more complicated than rice, the urge to buy kitchen gadgets is a sick joke my brain is playing on me.

What would really be useful: updated glasses.  The depression has reached that point of intensity and duration where it permanently affects my vision.  This has happened to me often.  I can go years without needing an adjustment in my lens prescriptions, or maybe just minor ones.  But there comes a time during these long-running periods of intense depression when my vision will begin to rapidly deteriorate and I need a significant change in my lenses.

The problem is: there's no point in seeing an eye doctor until it's over, as my eyes are just going to get worse until this episode is over.

I'm well aware of outdated lens prescriptions triggering depression.  That's not how it works with me.

Of course this has to hit me this time of year.  I'm much more depressed when the sun is out.  I've tried going nocturnal, but it doesn't work.

I'd really hate my life if I bothered to care enough about it.

1 comment:

kittydebs said...

fuck man, i am really sorry to hear you are struggling so. i fucking hate the summer.

i don't have anything of interest to say but felt compelled to write. I had not heard about eyeglass issues causing depression.

i have been lusting after paper organizational items. you know, like the fancy shit levenger sells? i want to compile lists, add dividers, use specialized post-its, and all of that nonsense. today i went to the levenger site and spent hours filling up the shopping cart. tomorrow i will probably do the same on ebay and then compare the cost between the levenger, ebay, and eventually amazon. i will spend much mental energy over these lists and calandars and such.

the really sad thing is that my life is not in need of organizing on paper. i don't have enough money for cat food but i will search for what i already know i cannot buy.

there is nothing to organize but empty days because i'm on disability, how to deal with relationships (especially the horrible one with my husband), and finding a way to meet the bills.

what the fuck?! it reminds me of you saying that you can no longer cook much more than rice and yet still yearning and finding comfort in odd specialty cooking devices.

what does this mean? do you thing that the returning of this desire is a symptom? or do you think it is more of a comforting treatment for a depression that is already there?

fuck. i am sorry to pester you with this shit. what can i say? it was more fun writing to you than feeling shitty about my life for a few minutes.

i hope you feel better soon. thank god for online grocery shopping.