How bad has my social anxiety/phobia/avoidance been? By the time I've written and addressed 3-to-5 Christmas cards I'm emotionally exhausted, so that appears to be my daily limit. I'll be lucky to get all of them sent by the end of this week. The mailman just stopped by to drop off a package. That's the sort of thing that throws off my entire day.
Answering e-mail is out of the question. Posting this on my Crazy Meds blog or the Crazy Meds facebook page isn't happening either, as too many people would see it.
Like a lot of people I want more, because I can never get enough of what I already have. I want more latitude, altitude, and solitude. Living at 47° north has been good for me. 16 hours of daylight with long dawns and dusks in the summer, and 8 hours in the winter with the sunlight filtered by trees most of the day has made me less susceptible to seasonal mood swings. I'd like to live further north and higher up to enjoy things like auroae and noctilucent clouds more often. I'd really like a place at or above 53° north and 3,500 feet up, with a clear view of either the eastern or western horizon. Someplace to set up a telescope to look at anything interesting that comes by, like another green comet, and a receiver to listen to the solar wind.
As if any of that will ever happen.
If I manage to get the resources to leave this lemon of a glorified Unabomber shack I have to use them to move closer to a city with better doctors. It's becoming more difficult for me to drive, cook, and generally deal with my life. I need to live where I can take a cab to wherever I need to go, and get food delivered that's safe for me to eat. Solitude is no longer an option. Which sucks, because one of the few good things about this place is its location. Depending on where you center it, the population density here is between 1 and 5 people per square mile. When I lived in Berkeley and Missoula I often felt lonely. Out here I rarely do, and when I do it's not as bad.