Down, Not Across: Suddenly a Viable Option

I figured out the problem regarding the blank screen. root owned everything. php didn't want to run if a root-owned file was being invoked by someone who isn't wrote. Understandable. Easy enough to fix.

So now I can see what the actual problem is.

Somehow mySQL was installed in such a way that nobody has permission to do a fucking thing.

Not root.
Not the mySQL admin account that was already installed.
Not the IPB user I created who is the DB admin for the IPB database.
Not even the mysql account in linux.

And after going through the fixes involving grant tables and everything else the only thing that chaned is Plesk won't recognize mySQL as running. Just as it earlier stopped recognizing SMTP as running.

Which means I see fuck all through Plesk.

And mySQL is still fucked up about denying access to everybody.

Why do I think the solution is re-installing mySQL? Because my life has to keep getting worse?

Of course it does.

Down, not across. Looking better all the time.